A Runt’s Rant: Applying for Graduate Schemes, Part One

So you are fresh out of university and want to apply for a job. You start off incredibly enthusiastic, feeling quite invincible and able to tackle any application form in the world.

Let us say that you have always been a fan of Company X, mainly on account of it having a rather mysterious one- letter name which vaguely reminds you of your childhood nemesis- ‘The X- Files’.

As you are a quite personable chap, you decide to go to the company’s offices and hand- in a CV in person, maybe have a chat with someone about what it is like to be an X- man (i.e. someone who works for Company X).

You reach the headquarters and you fail miserably in your attempt to go in. You ring the buzzer and, upon telling the person what you are after, are advised to ‘visit the company’s website and apply via the online application form which is readily available’.

But you shan’t, of course, let the above incident dishearten you; you are indeed quite determined to go onto the website and sink your teeth into that application form.

So you go to the website and click the ‘Apply Now’ button.

(As I side note, I have always found it rather amusing how you never actually ‘Apply Now’; rather, it normally takes you a week or two to finalise your application. Funny that.)

Having entered all of your personal details, along with your nationality, maiden name, subjects studied, shoe size and possibly your favourite flavour of ice- cream, you go onto a section called ‘Additional Information I’ which leads you to believe that there will at least be an ‘Additional Information II’ section as well.

Clicking on the above, you gaze at the screen at the questions posed, blinking in disbelief.

What you find under ‘Additional Information I’ are four sections, three- hundred words each, asking you to give examples of situations where you have demonstrated:

• Your ability to take the initiative
• Your teamwork and leadership skills
• Your problem analysis skills
• Your communication skills

Problem is, however, that, being a recent graduate, you do not have as much work experience as you would like to have. So you start making up various stories which will show what an amazing person you are.

You then go onto ‘Additional Information II’ where a further set of four three- hundred word sections awaits you.

Namely:

• Why do you want to work in this sector?
• Why do you want to work for our company?
• Where do you see yourself in five years?
• What do you do in your spare time?

To which you would very much like to answer ‘Because I like it, because I like you, somewhere I like being, something I like doing’.

Your common sense, of course, prevents you from doing so.

Overall, it takes you about three days to come up with the above two- thousand and four- hundred words and complete your application.

You are then advised by an automated email that, if you are successful, you will be contacted for a telephone interview. You panic because you are certain that you have provided them with the incorrect mobile number.

It so turns out, however, that you have not and they call you for an interview.

The interviewer starts asking you questions about your application, your experience and the examples which you have given.

You cannot help but think: is this person testing my ability to remember stuff that I have made up?

In case you are still wondering, yes, he is.

So, in the end, you recall all of your examples, reiterate how awesome you are and make the interviewer laugh (at you or with you…).

You are then told that you have been successful in your interview and that you will have to attend at assessment centre as the next stage of the process.

So, you have written a two- thousand and four- hundred word essay, sat an exam over the telephone and are now due to be assessed in a centre.

Feels a bit like university all over again, right?

You wish.

And all you wanted was to become an X- man; ah, well, stay tuned for Part Two next week where our graduate protagonist will be assessed centrally, interviewed on several further occasions, required to deliver a presentation and tackle a case study.

Will he handle the pressure or will he simply shout out

To Hell With It!!!!