‘Social’ Intelligence: #stop hash- tagging #take a walk

Link to podcast to follow

I’m all about social media; I really do think it’s great in that it opens up a whole new world of possibilities .

As an example, I have used it to actively (and rather annoyingly) promote myself and my views through my blog articles.

A lot of firms these days have entire departments that specifically deal with social media marketing and generate vast revenues through those.

Several of my colleagues have even recently tried to promote the importance of a lawyer’s online presence and image through various online seminars and presentations.

Many of my friends have met their other half through online dating websites and have never been happier.

All of the above is truly amazing and admirable; but why, oh why, must people tag everything that they do all the time wherever they are?

I shan’t turn the above into a rant (although I really want to). Rather, I shall examine a couple of examples which will, hopefully, convince you to keep your hash- tagging at bay...

#why #hast- tag #anything #on #facebook  #or  #instagram

See how annoying that was!? Why would you want to do it to your ‘friends’? I, mean, there are a good may easier ways to get people to hate and block you. Like sending them game requests, for instance. Or wishing them a ‘Happy Easter!’ on Good Friday.

#amazingdinner #verytasty #readyfordesert

My, my; you are ready for desert, are you now? Outstanding. People can finally go to bed happy and the world can start turning once more.

#feelingsaid

#watchafunnymovie

Hash- tagging has become a great way of sharing information; it’s quick, easy and quite user- friendly.

It must, however, as everything else, be used in moderation. After all, just because  chocolate- mint fudge’s my most favourite thing in the world doesn’t mean that I must have it three times a day.

I know what you’re thinking: what a cliché thing to say, everyone knows that- having too much of something might kill you in the end!

Well, that’s not what I meant, really; what I meant to say was that the more fudge I have, the less I’ll like it.

Look, it’s already started happening:

<< http://storify.com/stdoyle/tag-etiquette >>

(**NB** The above link has nothing, or very little, to do with choco- mind fudge **NB**)

In the end of the day, it must also be borne in mind that some media platforms, like Twitter and Instagram, are #- friendly whilst others, like Facebook and LinkedIn, are most definitely not.

Keep that in mind whilst I go and get some fudge.

#ilovefudge

‘Social’ Intelligence: He Said She Said You Said I Said; Is It True!?

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Today was a very special day for me in that I found out that I had recently been involved in activities that I had never even thought of before.

In fact, I was so pleasantly surprised my new- found self that I bought it a drink before I sent it home.

It would seem, for instance, that I had, at some point last week, applied to study a Master’s degree in Law in Melbourne, Australia. I was actually quite happy to find that out as I had always wanted to go to Australia but had never had the time and money to do so.

Now, however, it’d seem that I had also won a scholarship in the said university which would also cover my living expenses.

‘How awesome of me!’, I thought. ‘I must’ve worked really hard to do that!’

A friend of mine was, however, quite concerned by my firm decision to go to Australia because if I was to do, he said, I wouldn’t have been to go on a third date with that remarkable girl that he’d heard so much about.

‘So far, so good’, I thought. ‘A fully funded LLM in Australia AND a remarkable potential girlfriend’.

And I didn’t even lift a finger!

As I was thinking about what clothes to pack for Melbourne, another friend of mine asked me whether I’d include my trip to Australia in that book that I was going to publish.

He then went on to give me some advice on what the cover should look like and what the contents of the book should be if I wanted it to really ‘sell, sell, sell!’.

Naturally, I took detailed notes of everything he said and turned to yet another friend who was looking at me in a curiously enquiring manner.

When I asked her whether everything was alright, she looked me in the eye and asked me whether I thought that it was a good idea to go to Australia with this arachnophobia that I had developed when I was little.

She also wanted to know what my grandparents thought about my going away as, apparently, they didn’t let me go to Hong Kong when I found a job there some two years ago.

As you might probably appreciate, all of the above was news to me. It seemed as thought I had been living another life without even realising it for quite some time.

I couldn’t, naturally, doubt or question any of the things that my friends told me .

After all, they said he said she said I said all of those at one point.

Ah, yes...

You couldn’t argue with that...

‘Social’ Intelligence: How to Get Everyone to Like You

Link to podcast to follow

Getting everyone to like you is not as difficult as you might think it is.

All you have to do is be a shameless hypocrite at all times, say what people want to hear and agree with what everyone says ever.

You must then dress in a manner which everyone around you finds appropriate and speak in a way in which everyone understands, tolerates and adores.

The next step is to simply give up your views on anything, forget about being opinionated at any point of your earthly existence and start blending in with the surroundings, much like a chameleon does.

The final thing you need to do is to stop asking questions and start making more pointless and inflated statements whilst looking into people’s feet rather than their eyes as to avoid any emotional confrontations such expressing disapproval or showing compassion.

As you might have probably guessed by now, the abovementioned is as filled with sarcasm as my wardrobe is with suits.

Truth of the matter is, you can never get everyone to like you regardless of how hard you try.

Let’s take a country’s government, for instance (not a big fan of generalising but it’s alright to do it when it’s for a good cause).

Throughout its term, a government will often be praised by some but despised by others because of the policies which it is implementing.

There are those who support the left wing parties and those who oppose it in supporting the right wing parties.

A simple point must, then, be made: you cannot be liked by everyone because everyone is different. The only way to go around that is to constantly change your views and policies to fit your surroundings.

A fresh example of that is Mr Clegg’s Liberal Democrat party which promised students that it was going to fight for lower university tuition fees and then went around and increased those threefold (to some £ 9000 per year) when it came to power.

Do you reckon that any students will vote Lib Dem again in their lives?

Going back to my initial example, another thing worth mentioning is that, more often than not, regardless of what the government does and the policies it adopts, the outlook of the general public will always be negative.

Unfortunately, the above is but human nature: it would sometimes seem that we are programmed to only see the negative aspects and ignore the positive ones.

The second point to make, then, is that there will always be those people who will automatically disregard the good things you do and will only remember this one bad thing you did once.

The final point I’d like to make is that when a government introduces a policy, it is almost immediately attacked by everyone who opposes it. At first sight, there is absolutely nothing wrong about that IF such an opinion is an informed one.

Let’s take the recent austerity measures introduced by most European countries; it would seem that EVERYONE  disagrees with them but only about 40% know what those measures are about or what they are trying to achieve.

The third and final point to make, then, is that there are those people who simply disagree with you and dislike you...well, just because; and you can’t argue with that.

So, next time you try to get everyone to like you,

DON’T.

It’s a waste of time. And since time is money and we’re in an (almost) triple- dip recession, that’s a place you do not want to go to.

‘Social’ Intelligence: Colour- Coding, Part- Two

Link to podcast to follow

Without further ado, I should now like to do away with any unnecessary small talk and get straight to the point as it is way too late to be starting an article on a random note such as...

...the fact that I went to this Brazilian restaurant (Casa Brazil) earlier on today and had so much food that I actually had to take a NAP when I came up back home before being able to fully recover.

I would have never actually thought that overeating could make you feel so light- headed and disorientated.

But you’ll be happy to know that I have now regained by prowess and, having equipped myself with twenty minutes to spare, shall get back to last week’s topic, namely, the meaning of colours.

As a non- random introduction to today’s entry (at least not as random as the above), I should like to note that all of the waiters at the restaurant were dressed in black uniforms and wore bright red ties. Let’s see what they were trying to achieve.

(See << http://www.color-wheel-pro.com/color-meaning.html >> )

Black

Mysterious colour, often connected to the unknown or, yet again, the FEAR of the unknown. It can, however, under some circumstances (i.e. a black suit) denote strength and authority.

Some use it to blend in by combining it with darker colours such as olive green, brown, etc; not my personal favourite.

Others, on the other hand, tend to combine it with brighter colour so that they can stand out and get noticed easily.

Green

Symbol of growth, harmony, inner peace. Buying a green suit, however, will not denote any of those unless you’re a leprechaun.

Dark green is an indication of wealth and power. Nevertheless, I’d only use dark green for ties and cufflinks.

Wearing bright green tells those around you that you are a very sociable and open- minded person.

Pink

They say that real men wear pink. That’s mainly because it opens you up and shows those around you that (don’t laugh) you’re not afraid or ashamed of your more emotional (feminine) side.

A pink shirt or tie tells the corporate world that you are up- to- date and very open- minded.

If you choose to wear pink, stick to accessories and avoid turning into a flamingo; it doesn’t bode well.

White

Often associated with purity and innocence; quite mistakenly so, if you ask me. Those who wear white normally know what they want and how to get it; that’s why white is also considered the colour of perfection.

Wearing white is also often associated with the fact that you are a person who’s not afraid to get his hands dirty; for that reason, try to stay away from pristinely snow- white suits.

Purple

Royalty, ambition, imagination, luxury, wisdom, independence; need I say more?

As you might have already guessed, purple has always been my favourite colour.

Those wearing purple are often seen by others as mysterious, yet quite approachable, friendly and easy to talk to.

I do hope that the above (as well as last week’s) brief overview of the meaning of colours will be of some use to you in the future.

And now, I, and the three kilograms of meat that I somehow managed to have at the Brazilian place today, shall have to bid you adieu.

And, pray, avoid wearing the following at all cost:

‘Social’ Intelligence: Colour- Coding, Part One

Link to podcast to follow

Have you ever wondered what colours to wear on an interview? On a first date? On a second date? On a ‘black tie event’?

I’m sure all of us had, at some point of their lives, done so.

In fact, I remember that on my first ever black tie event I wore a slick plain light grey suit and a dark red black- striped shirt with, well...a black tie.

Imagine my surprise when I walked in and almost drowned in a sea of tuxes and bowties.

‘You look just...fine.’, said a friend of mine with a fine blend of malicious sarcasm and genuine worry.

Had I not been such a misfit that night, though, I would have made quite a good impression as I had chosen quite a conservative, yet bold, colour combination.

And, you might think that it sounds ridiculous, but the colours you dress in can often be quite revealing of your character and aspirations.

Today, I’ll opt to provide you with a brief overview (a VERY brief overview, alas) of what most colours relate to.

Without further ado, let’s get to it:

(Source: << http://www.color-wheel-pro.com/color-meaning.html >> )

Red

Colour of fire and blood, war and heritage. A very good colour to use if you want to grab someone’s attention (or everyone’s attention, really....); it makes you stand out rather than blend in with the background.

It, however, tends to shout at people, telling them that you want to be noticed and predisposes them to think that there is a reason for that.

Thus, wearing red can sometimes be quite dangerous, especially in your professional life, because it makes those around you expectant of you.

Orange

A very sunny and jovial colour, often associated with happiness and creativity.

Wearing orange tells people that you are easily approachable and happy to talk and listen to them.

It paints a friendly and warm image and is, thus, not a very appropriate pick for corporate events, etc.

Further to the above, do be careful as to what tone of orange you put on; dark orange can, for instance, symbolise deceit and distrust.

Yellow

The colour of sunshine, joy and energy; perfect if you feel like the ‘life of the party’.

Yellow’s also known to be the colour of intellect and to stimulate mental activity.

Be careful when using in professional capacity as yellow is sometimes viewed as ‘childish’ or even ‘infantile’.

Finally, as with orange, do be careful what type of yellow you put on; dingy yellow, for instance, stands for decay and jealousy.

Blue

Stands for the sky and the sea, assumes depth and stability.

As with red, it makes those around you quite expectant of you; people wearing blue stand out as trustworthy and loyal.

In the corporate world, blue is considered a statement of power and influence; do be careful when using it.

Combine with warmer colours such as yellow or red if you want to create a high- impact and draw attention quickly.

I shall continue boring you to death with the above next Saturday.

On a more serious note, however, it’s really quite important to know a thing or two about colours and how to combine them effectively.

I honestly wish the guy sat at the table next to me knew that.

Green trousers, pink shirt, red trainers and a blue Adidas cap.

I mean...for real...?

‘Social’ Intelligence: You’re Not Alone

Link to podcast to follow

Bronchitis; nasty stuff.

It nails you down to bed and makes you think about...well, life, the universe and everything.

As you try to cough out your misery, the unbearable pain stabs you in the chest with the familiar sharpness and firmness of a five- inch stiletto.

You reach for your phone and, as you stare at the screen in a somewhat horrific disbelief, you realise that you have been in bed for almost fifteen hours.

Your light- headedness annoys you to such an extent that it causes your forehead to wrinkle.

‘That’s quite about enough’, you try to say out loud but you soon realise that that’s quite impossible owing to the fact that you have lost your voice.

Lying in your bed for another half hour, you start realising that you haven’t got the physical strength to get up.

The cold sweat creeping up your spine reminds you that you’re human after all.

You need some medicine.

Now.

You start panicking for three main reasons:

·         You know full well that you haven’t got any medicine left at yours

·         You also know that you haven’t got the strength to go to the chemist’s

·         You are alone

By alone, of course, you mean that your incredible stubbornness will never let you ask anyone for help because that would mean several things, namely:

1.       That you’re weak
2.      That you’ll owe someone else a favour
3.       That you can’t cope on your own

You toss and turn for another hour and finally decide to get over yourself and ask a couple of people for help.

Texting them that you’re half- dead and in need of some medicine and tea, you lie in wait, hoping for a miracle.

Naturally, no one shows up, no one picks up.

‘If you want something done right, do it yourself.’

You use what’s left of your strength to get up and go to the local shop to spend £ 20 on medicine.

Exhausted, you get back to the prison that is your bed.

You don’t feel too well; not because you’re sick but because you’re alone.

Well, both, really.

And then, your phone starts vibrating; several text messages come through.

 ‘I heard that you were sick, did you want me to get you anything?’

‘Sick!? Why didn’t you tell me, I would’ve come straight away, you dimwit!’

‘Pull yourself together, get better and let me know if you need anything, d’ya hear?’

‘You’re not alone, stupid.’, you think to yourself.

‘You just need to know whom to ask for help.’

‘Social’ Intelligence: Surround Yourself with Positive People

Link to podcast to follow

Pessimism is a catalyst for cataclysm; I know that, you know that, Hell, even Mr Osborne knows that!

The important question is, however, what, if anything, are we doing about that?

I have honestly lost count of the myriad of articles that I’ve written on the importance of being optimistic about everything and how that can have a tremendous positive effect on your professional and personal life.

Nevertheless, I know that it can sometimes be incredibly difficult to be positive about anything when you are surrounded by negative people.

When surrounded by negative people:

• You spend most of your time with them in trying to show them a more positive side to things which takes up a lot of time
• You spend a lot more time focusing on things that you cannot (presently) change rather than on those that you can
• You spend a lot of energy on trying to talk some sense into such people and, consequently, feel too tired to do anything else
• You start seeing those around you as whinging babies rather than grown up people which, consequently, turns you into a negative person
• You haven’t got any time to talk about anything else besides their ‘problems’ which obliterates, almost completely, any chance of your having a good time, let alone relaxing
• You realise, at some point, that for the last hour or so, you have all been talking about what you haven’t been able to do and why you will never be able to do it rather than what you want to do and how you can do it
• You start believing people that ‘being realistic’ is possible. It’s not. You’re either pessimistic or optimistic, end of.
• You start numbing down your ambitions because you want to fit in

I trust that all of the above sounds incredibly scary and off- putting. I am fully aware of the fact that many of us want to influence others and turn the world into a better and more positive place.

Nevertheless, it is very important that, in order to help others, you need to help yourself first. 

Only then will you be in a position to efficiently help those around you.

By surrounding yourself with positive people:

• You feel invigorated and always up for a new challenge
• You feel that, regardless of what difficulties you experience along the way, there will always be someone to help you out
• You see that there are others like you and there is hope to change the world for the better, after all
• You stop thinking about the past and the future and focus on the present instead
• You develop a can- do attitude which is quite a charismatic trait
• You find that you more time to talk about your ideas with people who are willing to hear and help you out
• You smile and laugh more often (for the positive effect of that, see << http://myveryownhell.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/social-intelligence-smile-it-looks-good.html >>)
• You act more and talk less

It is, indeed, quite important to be optimistic and try to positively affect those around you.

Before you do that, however, get some reinforcements on- board; trust me, it’s easier and much more enjoyable.

‘Social’ Intelligence: Dress to Impress, All the Way to Success, Part Four

Link to podcast:

<< http://www.mixcloud.com/antonipeychev/social-intelligence-dress-to-impress-all-the-way-to-success-part-four/ >>

As some of you might hopefully remember, a few months ago, I did a couple of articles on general advice on the type of suit and shirts that should go for, depending on how your body was built.

As I was walking around the local shopping mall, the other day, I thought to myself that, compared to women, men really DO have a lot less accessories to go for when in formal wear.

There was the tie, the pocket square, the watch, the tie pin, the cufflinks and...well, that was pretty much it, really. It occurred to me that something was missing; there must be, I thought, a way to improve that.

And then I remembered that I have always been a proponent of the ‘quality over quantity’ approach; why not, then, simply improve the few accessories that we are ‘allowed’ instead of coming up with tons of new ones?

Well, today’s entry will present the reader with a several pretty intriguing (at least in my view) ways of wearing your necktie so that it draws attention (in a good way, of course).

Believe it or not, the knot in which the necktie is tied is as important as the pattern of necktie itself; if not more.

So, if you’ve got some spare time over the Easter weekend, do give the following a shot.

The Windsor Knot

The bulkiest of the knots. Does NOT go down well with skinny ties. Goes well with any tie but best with striped ties. Perfect for interviews and corporate meetings as it is pretty conservative.

The Trinity Knot

A knot that stops pretty much everyone in their tracks. Goes well with all size ties but I personally prefer long, wider ones. Use ONLY on plain bright ties as the WOW- effect is otherwise lost. Can be worn at work and social outings; avoid at interviews and corporate meetings.

The Eldredge Knot

Incredibly difficult to pull off but totally worth it. Use on all sizes of ties. Use ONLY on plain ties (both light and dark colours work well) as effect is otherwise diluted. Can be worn anywhere if you want to be the centre of attention; I guarantee you, heads will be turning your way.

The Truelove Knot

A very demanding knot; much like the trinity, use with caution as it is very pretentious. Use ONLY on plain bright ties, preferably red ones. Do NOT use on formal occasions.

The Cape Knot

A masterpiece; use with wider and longer ties. Use ONLY with paisley- patterned ties for optimal effect. Use on formal occasions and for drawing attention at the speed of light.

The Merovingian Knot

<< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRyRFNVmpbo >>

Italian, pretentious, incredibly difficult to pull off. Use with skinny ties. Also, use a pin to fix it in one place. ONLY pastel- coloured ties- dark yellow, brown, orange, that kind of thing. ONLY use on formal occasions.

The Ediety Knot

The most demanding of them all. Extremely difficult to pull off, ONLY use on brighter patterned ties (NOT paisley or striped ones). ALWAYS use with a tie pin on. Use ONLY on incredibly formal occasions.

I can assure you that, even thought not everyone will appreciate the above, your effort will be recognised by those who are fashion- savvy.

After all, being ‘swag’ is long out of fashion; being stylish is what counts in the end.

‘Social’ Intelligence: We See What We Want to See

Link to podcast:

<< http://www.mixcloud.com/antonipeychev/social-intelligence-we-see-what-we-want-to-see/ >>

I might have not mentioned it before but I am a massive Terry Pratchett fan and, as such, I should like to share one of my most favourite quotes of a character of his with you.

‘But, surely, as you move around, people around you wonder how can a skeleton wearing a robe and carrying a scythe walk around, right? They must find it bizarre!’

‘NOT IN THE LEAST.’, said Death. ‘EVEN IF SOMEONE NOTICES ME WALKING AROUND, HE WILL IMMEDIATELY IGNORE ME, CONVINCING HIMSELF THAT WALKING SKELETONS DO NOT EXIST. PEOPLE TEND TO SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE.’

Let’s be honest for a second; how many times have you walked past a bloke in a long leather overcoat and a Mohawk and thought that he was a nice guy?

Not many; more often than not, what you see is what you want to see: a dark persona that listens to hardcore metal bands 24/7 and is, at all times, ready to take out a metal chain and show you the meaning of pain.

Why? Well, mainly because it’s a lot easier to judge and be horrible to people than trying to put yourself in their shoes.

Another reason is that if what you see does not fit in with your understanding of the world, you often tend to either automatically dismiss it or twist it in a way that fits your views.

 A recent example of that is the Cyprian bailout; I’m sure that all of you are up-to-date with the recent developments. Put simply, the European Commission wanted Cyprus to levy a tax on its people’s savings (some 9.9% on savings over 100,000 Euros and 6.7% on those under 100, 000 Euros) and the Cypriot government refused to do it.

I shan’t go into any political discussion; those are best left for next Thursday. What I would like to focus on is people’s reaction to the government’s refusal to implement the European Commission’s proposal.

Some are comparing the situation to the battle of Thermopylae (glorifying the Cyprians); the three- hundred brave Spartans against the wrath of the mighty Persian army.

Others, on the other hand, see the government's refusal to the Commission’s proposal as utterly ungrateful as, in their view, Cyprus should not have been allowed in the European Union in the first place.

Proponents of the former see a tale of David and Goliath in that they firmly believe that Cyprus is being bullied into agreeing to a policy which has the potential to damage its people; in their eyes, a country is a creature formed by its people.

Champions of the latter see Cyprus as a liability, more Asian than European, a spare anchor which needs to be cut loose before it drags the whole ship underwater; in their eyes, a country is an economic entity formed by its financial assets and obligations.

The above example might be unnecessarily political but it clearly demonstrates how we often see the world through our own spectacles.

And until we start using our eyes again, we will keep seeing what we want to see instead of what we have to see.

It is quite true that the world is subjective; yet, we must never forget that subjectivity must always be based on solid and logical arguments and not on shaky and biased beliefs.

'Social' Intelligence: Enjoy Yourself and Tie a Knot

Link to podcast:

<< http://www.mixcloud.com/antonipeychev/social-intelligence-enjoy-yourself-and-tie-a-knot/ >>

First things first; I should like to apologise for not posting a genuine entry yesterday and having to make you wait impatiently for it.

Also, apologies to those who could not sleep because of all of the excitement (who are, in all honesty, less than or equal to zero).

The mainstream reason behind my not doing an article yesterday was that I physically did not have the time to do it as I was otherwise engaged and my daily schedule was somewhat hectic.

In fact, I had to take a couple pretty important life decisions yesterday, including deciding whether to finish my Wills and Probate Chapter or make a day- trip to the Westfield Shopping Centre to which I had never been before.

As I was staying with a friend of mine who, unbelievably so, was not very interested in the magical world of Wills and Probate, I decided to make a compromise and treat myself to a trip to the ‘mall’.

To be honest, on my way there, I felt exactly like I normally did when I thought I was doing something ‘unproductive’; my conscience was eating me up.

All I could think about was the fact that I had to finish the chapter my tomorrow morning, prepare for the LPC seminars, do the LEASE case summaries, finalise a draft contract AND, on top of that, write up my daily article.

And at that point I asked myself:

Why on Earth was I getting negative vibes and thoughts when thinking about all of the above (INCLUDING writing an article up!); it didn’t make any sense mainly because I loved doing all of those?

It then dawned on me that I might have (I never thought I’d say that) overworked myself lately and I needed a break.

As you can probably imagine, taking breaks is definitely not something that I am normally comfortable with; there was, in fact, a Mortal Kombat- like tournament between the conscience and common sense in my mind.

For the first time in ages, the latter managed to win; and, funnily enough, that didn’t worry me in 

the slightest.

I have to say that my trip to Westfield was incredible; I visited ALL of the suit shops there were and found myself at least about twenty self- gifts for my birthday.

Furthermore, they let me try on my most favourite watch in the world- the Hublot Omega Big Bang.

As much as I loved it, however, I decided to get it on my next trip there because I didn’t have £ 23,000 on me at the time.

At the end of the day, I went back home, poured myself a glass of gin, caught up with my friends and decided that it would be a much better idea to wake up at 5am and do my work in the morning.

 I then realised how awesome it sometimes was to enjoy yourself; especially if you ended up learning how to tie a new tie- knot (as above).

Try it.

'Social' Intelligence: The Half- Meant Joke

Link to podcast:

<< http://www.mixcloud.com/antonipeychev/social-intelligence-the-half-meant-joke/ >>

Think about it for a second; think of the last time you asked a friend whether he thinks that you have gained weight.

What was it they said?

It was most probably something along the lines of:

‘Well, I don’t know, would the fact that you are rolling around not denote that?’

And then he’ll start laughing and say:

‘I’m joking, I’m joking, you’re fine, you haven’t gained weight at all.’

The fact of the matter is that he really WAS joking; he didn’t mean that you were fat or anything. Nevertheless, it is equally true that there was a speck of truth in his initial joke. By saying that you were ‘rolling around’, he was implying that you have, indeed, gained SOME weight.

As a person who is joking in 80% of the time, I can assure you that there always is a speck of truth in a joke. With some people, it happens on a subconscious level and quite automatically.

With others (such as me), however, it’s quite intentional. After all, if a good friend of yours asks you whether he/she has gained a log of weight, you can’t really call him/ her a ‘fatso’ a get it over with, right? (well, technically you can but you shouldn’t).

At the same time, though, you want to help your friend by telling him that he/she has indeed gained SOME weight that he/ she can do away with.

What better way of doing it than through an innocent joke?

If you tell someone that they’re ‘rolling around’, they will undoubtedly (whilst giggling, of course) start thinking about whether you are, in fact, joking or whether you are, indeed, trying to imply something.

You will then probably look at yourself in the mirror and say something along the lines of:

‘Well ,yeah...I guess I COULD roll around, if I wanted to!’

And then you’ll go on a diet.

I am, by no means, saying that the above approach is correct or moral; what I am merely suggesting is that every single time someone starts joking around with you, you can be certain that the joke is half- meant.

Unfortunately, in most cases, half- meant jokes are said not because the joker cares about the jokee but because the joker is too afraid of saying anything to jokee outright.

Furthermore, seemingly innocent jokes are often used as subtle, yet quite acerbic, remarks.

Let me give you a couple of examples:

‘Aww, what a LOVELY dress; did you make it yourself?’

Now then...is that a joke or an insult...? Both, really.

‘Wow that curry’s amazing! Where did you get it from, ASDA?’

Again, quite innocent, if said with a smile, yet quite damn offensive.

‘That’s a pretty good tie and shirt combo; you never told me you were colour- blind!

’

Hilarious, right? And a bit harsh maybe?

Even though the above sounds quite farfetched to you, I’d like to implore you to be very careful about mingling with such ‘jokers’ on social gatherings or events as they tend to be like leeches: they feed on your blood to make themselves look better.

Moreover, do be careful about your own jokes. Granted, half- meant jokes do happen subconsciously sometimes; still, try to control yourself and refrain from using ones that might offend those around.

Trust me, most people are aware of the above theory and will find you out; and THEN things will get ugly.