A Runt’s Rant: The Marvels of the Earthrealm

Ah, yes, Boxing day; it’s that lovely time of the year when people of all age and background go out to ravage the shops and do some old- fashioned, bare- knuckle boxing.

I, too, adore bare- knuckle boxing; especially when I am up against, what seems like, five hundred billion discount- hungry people who are all, at first glance, after my selected item of clothing.

But, contrary to common belief, today’s ranting shall not comprise of a torrent of idle complaints surrounding the incredulous lunacy of Boxing day and the somewhat petrifying and malicious twinkle in the eyes of consumers (i.e. the people who will readily consume you, exclamation mark).

Today, I should like to focus on what I SAW rather than what I FELT.

I did the unbelievably amateurish and retarded mistake of walking into NEXT today, in the hope that I would find a ‘bargain’ on a deep blue navy suit or some good shoes, at the very least

.

Alas, I did not find any of those; what I DID find, however, was a legion of people who seemed me quite unreal and comic (alas, in a rather sad way...).

I shall refrain from uploading any pictures as I cannot really afford a breach of privacy lawsuit (because, of course, about a million people read my blog every day and the chances that one of them is someone from a picture that I have taken are IMMENSE. NOT. Truth be told, though, I shan’t post any of those photos because I do not want to ruin your dinner...).

I shall, however, do my utmost best to describe the several picturesque individuals walking around the NEXT store.

First and foremost, they were truly on the NEXT level. Judging by their looks (the sparkly shoes, the spiky jackets, etc.), I’d say that they were of the firm belief that the world HAD, indeed, ended on 21^st December and they could, thus, wear whatever they pleased.

I cannot, of course, describe everyone but some of them did stick to my mind as a fly does on honey (but then again, everything sticks to honey....).

Aaand the winners are:

The majestic flamingo

It all his magnificence, the peacock was dressed rather richly; he was wearing burgundy slacks, FLIP- FLOPS, a yellow t- shirt and a, wait for it, GREEN jacket.

He was, without a doubt, a descendant of the leprechauns.

His pot of gold was, it would seem, already in his possession as he had bought the most absurdly expensive and out- worldly clothes on the planet.

Furthermore, the fact that it was 2 C outside did not seem to bother him at the very least because he was too hot to be cold.

He was queuing up to pay for the pink hat and blue blazer that he had carefully selected to match his attire.

I did curtsy (out of shear awe, naturally) and walked away in quiet contemplation.

The Forest Fairy

Leaf green tiara.

Olive- green top.

Deep green shorts.

Lime green tights.

Spring green shoes.

No; I closed my eyes and REFUSED to believe it.

When I had finally built up the courage to open them, there was nothing but a majestic rose- bush, blossoming before me.

I am only kidding, she was still there.

Why have I burdened you with such utterly useless and pseudo- amusing information, you ask?

Well, mainly because I can and because I thought that it would be rather selfish to keep it to myself.

Merry Christmas everyone!