So I have been reminded a couple of days ago that sarcasm was the lowest form of wit.
But that, of course, was perfectly fine because I had never used sarcasm in my life.
I mean, honestly, saying that I had ever used sarcasm would be like saying that the sky was blue.
Have you seen a blue sky in England
Anyway, the point of the matter was that only lowly people used sarcasm to tackle their everyday woes. Many a commentators thought, in fact, that everything else was better and ‘higher up’ than sarcasm; including leprechauns which, they claimed, did exist because there would be no other reasonable explanation for all those undeservingly rich people around the world.
I couldn’t agree with them more; meaning I could but that would be sarcasm and I wouldn’t want to go there.
You see, indulging in the lowly art of sarcasm had always been seen as an abominable endeavour which needed to be avoided much like the plague and unlike, for instance, the divine English cuisine of fish and chips which, naturally, needed to be savoured on a daily basis by people who wanted to retain their Godlike figure.
Even though the above has been common knowledge available to everyone in the multiverse since times immemorial, I still know quite a few people who are as sarcastic as a person claiming that North Korea
Those people are, however, as low as low gets, really; most of them are doctors, lawyers, policemen and even judges.
Surely you don’t get lowlier than that, right?
After all, neither of the above has done anything worthwhile in their lives; it’s not like they save people’s lives, look after their well- being and make sure that the public is safe and informed on a daily basis.
No, they don’t; McDonald’s does that. And it has been doing quite a good job for some time now; in fact, its nutritional values and vitamin- infused salads have turned a generation of zombies into one of Godlike physique and astoundingly independent thought patterns that can only be challenged by that of the once mighty dolphins.
It is a well- known fact that dolphins used to rule the world with an iron fin before they started using sarcasm; in fact, a recent study shows that dinosaurs, too, became instinct because a tyrannosaurus once replied to a diplodocus’s question of ‘Oh no, are you going to eat me?’ with ‘No, my teeth just wanted to ask you out on a date...’
From that day on, no- one took tyrannosauruses seriously which caused them to start a World War Zero which wiped out Earth’s entire dinosaur population.
In the light of the above, you can only imagine what sarcasm can do to the world today; it can, for instance (God forbid), topple all of those banks that we keep hearing about on the news.
Could you imagine what this world would look like without them meddling in countries’ affairs and politics and lending zounds of money to people who could not afford it!?
That would be an end to the economic crisis; an increase of the world’s GDP and sharp decrease in inflation!!!
WHO ON EARTH WOULD WANT THAT!?
That’s right; no- one. Because we all love to pay more than we used to for the exact same things and borrow more and more regardless of the fact that we neither need it nor can afford it.
And we don’t love it because it instils in us the false security that we are buying things of a better quality or because having more money makes us feel more powerful, albeit in quite a sad way.
No! It’s because throughout the ages, we, as a species, have developed this masochistic tendency of living LA VIDA LOCA and thinking in short terms.
And that’s perfectly fine, of course, because our children and grandchildren will live on Pluto and not on the planet that we are currently destroying.
In the light of the above, I would like to implore you not to use sarcasm; ever.
After all, if I can refrain from doing so, so can you.
Find a higher form of wit such as, say:
Why can’t you joke with snakes?
Because you can’t pull their legs!!!
HILLARIOUS.
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