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Ok, ok, I admit it; I used the name of a famous TV show for today’s entry so that I could attract more readers and become famous enough to be able to put up my personal profile on Wikipedia without having to look like a completely delusional egomaniac.
As you can probably imagine, I am only kidding; my demeanour is not so infantile (alas, my jokes are).
In fact, come to think of it, I’d gladly bribe my ten- year- old cousin (with candy, of course) to do a Wikipedia entry on me; that way, I’d always be able to blame it on him and people would say:
‘Aww, how cute! He wrote a funny little article about his cousin and how much he loved him!’
Rather than
‘I honestly cannot believe how self- centred and shallow you are; you make me sick!’
Such a task might, however, prove to be quite e herculean undertaking; not for my cousin, of course- all he’s after is the candy.
In the end of the day, it might turn out to be quite arduous for me to explain to my cousin what it is exactly that I do for a living.
I can always tell him that I am a ‘lawyer’ but I’ve got a feeling that he is not going to leave it at that.
As Lucy Kellaway rightly points out (in an article that I cannot open because I have not got the time to register for the Financial Times at the moment), we can all deal with journalists by twisting our stories around and beating around the bush.
That’s mainly because we know for a fact that there is a certain way in which journalists, commentators and even showmen must behave in.
As Ms Kellaway notes, however, that is most definitely NOT the case with children; scruples is something they lack.
To illustrate what is meant by the above, I’d like to adopt a hypothetical conversation with my ten- year- old cousin on what I do for a living.
Me (M): I’m a lawyer.
Cousin (C ) :What do you do then?
(M): I help people.
(C ) How?
(M): By helping them get what’s rightfully theirs.
(C ) What?
(M): If you owed Timmy £5 and he wouldn’t give that back to you, I’d be able to help you get it back.
(C ) But I like Timmy; I wouldn’t have given him £ 5 for no reason; he’d probably really needed it. Why would you take Timmy’s £ 5?
(M): Because it’s yours!
(C ) But it’s not, is it? I gave it to Timmy because he was my friend. Sooooo, you’re not helping anyone, are you?
(M): Here, have some more candy…..
Quite terrifying is not? Now imagine what a conversation between an investment banker and my cousin would look like. Let us examine but a few of the questions that he might ask the banker:
What is it you do?
Why are you ‘investing’ other people’s money and not your own?
What is LIBOR?
Why are banks ‘too big to jail?’ I’ve seen people waaay bigger than you get jailed!
Why do you get paid a bonus and why is your bonus so high? Are you also a doctor or a teacher? Do you save lives and make the world a better place?
My daddy says he owns your bank and still gets paid a lot less than you AAAAND he’s doesn’t get paid any bonuses. Why is that? (Courtesy of BBC, business daily podcast)
I say put an investment banker and a ten- year- old kid on Larry King’s show and let them talk on air for about half an hour; that’d be priceless.
The thing about talking to a child is that you don’t know what to expect and you cannot use legalese or business terms because all you’ll get in return will be a torrential influx of ‘Why?’-s.
In the light of the above, I truly am looking forward to the above happening.
As for me, well, I have decided that I will be not a ‘lawyer’ in my cousin’s eyes.
I’m just someone who helps others in their time of need.
And what do you do for a living…?
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