A Runt’s Rant: Going the Quarter Mile

Link to podcast to follow

So I went to London for the weekend because…well, because I felt like it, really.

The sun was shining, the birds were chirruping, the cabbies were swearing and the bus drivers laughed heartily at your measly attempt to cross at a zebra crossing without getting honked or shouted at.

Ah, yes, London.

I was waiting for a friend of mine at Liverpool Street station when I overheard two lovely Englishmen gentlemen, sat at a McDonald’s table outside, commenting on the ‘Bulgarian and Romanian scum that English people like them would now be paying for’ and how ‘gash it was, init?’

Some might think that the above might have offended me to an extent; all it did, however, was to make me laugh.

I did so because the irony of it all was that those two fine gentlemen stood in the immediate vicinity of a piece of somewhat well- educated ‘Bulgarian scum’ dressed in a rather smart Austin Reed suit.

It made me smile, because, apparently, as at 1^st January 2014, such gentlemen will be buying me my suits, them having to pay for us and all that.

Having had the pleasure of listening to the above gentlemen’s compelling arguments for about a quarter of an hour, my friend finally showed up.

Without exchanging pleasantries, we decided that I’d be best to leave the precariat have their 99p burgers and chips in the peace and quiet that fills their craniums.

You just couldn’t argue with that.

As it was a marvellously sunny day, we decided to go to Sushisamba and grab a drink. The place is on the 38^th floor of the Heron Tower and offers a magnificent view of the City as well as a rich menu of all types of overpriced sushi and other meals.

To those of you who haven’t been there, it’s a magnificent experience; in fact, let me give you a taste:

Having had a couple of drinks, we decided to take a walk along the quarter mile and have a cup of coffee somewhere.

It was 5 p.m. On a Saturday. With good weather.

We decided to grab a cappuccino at a nearby Costa only to be told that it closed in fifteen minutes’ time.

I shrugged my shoulders in disbelief and wandered off to look for other cafés.

Alas, there were absolutely NO cafés which were open post 5pm, regardless of the fact that the weather was brilliant and there were millions of people in the streets, wanting to spent their money on silly things such a tall skinny vanilla and cinnamon late with marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles on top (bit of an overkill, really).

In fact, it would seem that, come 5pm, people had pretty much no choice but to go and sit at a pub and have a pint or ten.

It made absolutely no sense to me; why would you not remain open till later when there was a fair chance that you could earn more money than usual…?

1. Because staff don’t get paid overtime
2. Because your license only permits you to stay open till 5pm
3. Because people around expect you to close at 5pm

Re 1), the money that you’ll make will, most probably, cover the cost of the overtime.

Re 2), most licenses allow cafés to stay open until 6- 6:30 p.m.

Re 3), what people? The throngs of tourists that have never been to London before…?

In the end, we gave up and went to a lovely pub which served Sunday roast on a Saturday.

There was hope after all.

And Guinness.

Thank God, there was Guinness.