Good Idea, Chap: ‘App’ is for ‘Apply’

Link to podcast to follow

When I was a student at university, finding a job proved to be quite the challenge.

The main reason for that, of course, was the fact that Canterbury was a city of sixty- thousand people, half of which were students looking for jobs.

Back in the day, I thought it was a brilliant idea to print our a hundred CVs, put them all in a backpack, walk around the city and apply to every single place in sight.

I had been doing that for about a week (without any luck) when I one day decided to take a break, lie under a tree and review my CV.

It was then when my heart started sinking, my eyes started watering and my hands started shaking.

For the next ten or twenty minutes, to those walking past me, I must have looked as stressed as a turkey did before a Thanksgiving dinner.

Regardless of how long and hard I stared at the CV, however, I couldn’t go back in time and amend all those CVs that I handed out so that they could reflect my CORRECT mobile number.

Thankfully, I decided to let bygones be bygones and move forward to a brighter tomorrow; hopefully, one where I’d pay more attention to detail when it came to drafting my CV.

Believe it or not, there is a rhyme and reason to my sharing the above anecdote with you and, surprisingly enough, it has little to do with anything that you might possibly be thinking of right now.

In the light of the above, do have a think about the following:

If I had made such a stupendously horrific mistake on my CV, can you honestly imagine the sheer amount of mistakes that I would have made, had I submitted a job application form via an app on my mobile?

Well, it would seem that we might have to get used to it pretty fast, pretty soon; that’s right, employers have started using mobile job application forms which you can access and fill in through a downloadable app.

Here, see for yourself:

<< http://mashable.com/2009/03/26/iphone-job-search-apps/ >>

<< http://appcrawlr.com/android-apps/best-applying-to-jobs >>

In my view, the above presents a couple of hundred thousand issues that need to be addressed; thankfully, as this is a blog entry and not a research paper, I shall only address several of those.

Typos

We all secretly despise AutoCorrect as we are all fully aware of what it’s capable of.

It can easily turn an application form for a ‘LITIGATION EXECUTIVE’ in one for ‘LETTERMAN EXECUTOR’.

Touchscreen

Regardless of whether you’re using a QUERTY keyboard or an IPhone, typing up a two- hundred word answer to a question on an application form can be quite the challenge.

Go ahead, try it; I dare you.

Training

Graduates are currently taught how to access, fill in and submit online application forms successfully and in a way in which they would at least get a rejection back.

Will universities be able to react promptly to the apparently fast- changing trends?

In the end of the day, the idea doesn’t seem half bad; in fact, the whole process can save both employers and jobseekers quite a lot of time.

Moreover, it’d surely mean a significant increase of the ever- so- hilarious AutoCorrect mishaps; am certainly looking forward to that!

‘Academic’ Intelligence: Are Genes Patentable? Part Two

Link to podcast to follow

A continuation of last week’s article, today’s entry will look at whether human genes (or the process for extracting those from the genome) can be registered as a patent under UK law by establishing whether the statutory criteria can be met in such cases.

( For a more detailed definition of the requirements, see << http://myveryownhell.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/academic-intelligence-are-genes.html >> )

Novelty

The product/ process must be ‘new’ and must NOT form a part of the state of the art available to the public  at the priority date (date of filing application as per s. 5 Patent Act 1977 ‘PA’).

Unfortunately, the answer to the above is not as simple as it looks and is derived from a field of study that I tend to avoid at all cost- philosophy.

The question that needs to be answered is whether it is all possible to ‘discover’ genes that have always been there.

If so, would that forces such as gravity, etc. patentable as well?

As for actual process of separating a gene from the genome, it can be argued that the end result is something that does, indeed, form a part of the state of the art available to the public.

Inventive Step

Because of technological advancement, scientist have been able to distinguish between various genes and have, eventually, come up with techniques and process of separating those genes and cloning those.

It is arguable whether the said technological advancement can amount to an ‘inventive’ step which is not obvious to skilled but unimaginative professional.

Capable of Industrial Application

Human genes can be cloned; however, it still remains a question of morality. The processes for separating genes from the genome and cloning those to be used in various sorts of medication are currently used by some US companies who hold valid US patents to the genes used.

Not Excluded by PA

Under s. 1 (2) PA, a discovery, scientific theory or mathematical method CANNOT be patented.

Thus, even if genes WERE to be viewed as scientific discoveries, they would have still been excluded under the current statutory provisions.

The process of separating those from the genome, however, are not covered by the ay of the exceptions outlined in s. 1 (2) PA.

In the light of the above, then, it would seem that companies would struggle to register a human gene (or the process for separating and cloning one) as a valid patent under the current UK legislation.

It remains to be seen, however, whether the US Supreme Court will also decide, in June, that genes should not have been patentable under US law in the first place.

(See << http://myveryownhell.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/good-idea-chap-are-genes-patentable.html >> )

Finally, would preventing companies from patenting genes stifle investment and was  Justice Kennedy not right in saying:

 “I think scientists look for things for a whole variety of reasons, sometimes because they’re curious about the world. I just don’t think we can decide the case on the ground, oh, don’t worry about investment, it’ll come.”

Poet's Corner: Colour Blind

When I first met you

I went red

With crimson passion,

Yet,  as I sped

Through golden fields,

White river beds,

Sapphire peaks

And wooden sheds,

I saw you close

Your eyes

And said:

‘Pray, look around!

Don’t close them

Yet!’

But then you spoke

as your heart bled:

‘I’m colour blind.

To me, you’re dead.’

‘Social’ Intelligence: Colour- Coding, Part- Two

Link to podcast to follow

Without further ado, I should now like to do away with any unnecessary small talk and get straight to the point as it is way too late to be starting an article on a random note such as...

...the fact that I went to this Brazilian restaurant (Casa Brazil) earlier on today and had so much food that I actually had to take a NAP when I came up back home before being able to fully recover.

I would have never actually thought that overeating could make you feel so light- headed and disorientated.

But you’ll be happy to know that I have now regained by prowess and, having equipped myself with twenty minutes to spare, shall get back to last week’s topic, namely, the meaning of colours.

As a non- random introduction to today’s entry (at least not as random as the above), I should like to note that all of the waiters at the restaurant were dressed in black uniforms and wore bright red ties. Let’s see what they were trying to achieve.

(See << http://www.color-wheel-pro.com/color-meaning.html >> )

Black

Mysterious colour, often connected to the unknown or, yet again, the FEAR of the unknown. It can, however, under some circumstances (i.e. a black suit) denote strength and authority.

Some use it to blend in by combining it with darker colours such as olive green, brown, etc; not my personal favourite.

Others, on the other hand, tend to combine it with brighter colour so that they can stand out and get noticed easily.

Green

Symbol of growth, harmony, inner peace. Buying a green suit, however, will not denote any of those unless you’re a leprechaun.

Dark green is an indication of wealth and power. Nevertheless, I’d only use dark green for ties and cufflinks.

Wearing bright green tells those around you that you are a very sociable and open- minded person.

Pink

They say that real men wear pink. That’s mainly because it opens you up and shows those around you that (don’t laugh) you’re not afraid or ashamed of your more emotional (feminine) side.

A pink shirt or tie tells the corporate world that you are up- to- date and very open- minded.

If you choose to wear pink, stick to accessories and avoid turning into a flamingo; it doesn’t bode well.

White

Often associated with purity and innocence; quite mistakenly so, if you ask me. Those who wear white normally know what they want and how to get it; that’s why white is also considered the colour of perfection.

Wearing white is also often associated with the fact that you are a person who’s not afraid to get his hands dirty; for that reason, try to stay away from pristinely snow- white suits.

Purple

Royalty, ambition, imagination, luxury, wisdom, independence; need I say more?

As you might have already guessed, purple has always been my favourite colour.

Those wearing purple are often seen by others as mysterious, yet quite approachable, friendly and easy to talk to.

I do hope that the above (as well as last week’s) brief overview of the meaning of colours will be of some use to you in the future.

And now, I, and the three kilograms of meat that I somehow managed to have at the Brazilian place today, shall have to bid you adieu.

And, pray, avoid wearing the following at all cost:

‘Everyday’ Intelligence: Insanity: Doing the Same Thing and Expecting Different Results

Link to podcast to follow

I know that the above sounds way too smart for me to have come up with; in fact, it was Einstein who did.

On the other hand, though, people say that repetition is the mother of all knowledge.

So which one is it then?

Vox Populi, Vox Dei, you’d say. But, from a purely logical point of view, is there any point in keep doing the exact same thing over and over again?

‘Yes’ and ‘No’; and here’s why:

Scenario One, Coca- Cola

‘I’d like a glass of Coke, please.’

‘Is Pepsi ok?’

‘Is Monopoly money ok?’

The above is funny solely because a fair percentage of people prefer Coke to Pepsi; and there’s a reason for that.

Good advertising. NOT.

The secret is, allegedly, in Coca Cola’s secret recipe- a recipe that hasn’t changed (once again, allegedly) since 1886.

Put simply, Coca- Cola has been doing the exact same thing for over a century with the clear idea of producing the same result.

Simple, really; why would you try to fix something that wasn’t broken in the first place?

Also, did you know that it was Coca- Cola that turned St. Nick into the Santa we know today?

Scenario Two, Applying for a New Job

Having carefully considered your application, we are sorry to inform you that you have not been short- listed on this occasion as we have had other applicants whose experience and profile have better fitted in with the job description.

We would, however, like to wish you all the best in all of your future endeavours.

Thank you.

Unlike the pseudo- joke about Pepsi and Coke (no rhyme intended), no- one (and I mean NO- ONE) will ever consider the above funny.

Why?

Well, mainly because we’ve all been there; in fact, some of us have not even had an automatic reply such as the above back.

Yet, some recruiters maintain that it’s all a matter of a chance: if you are to send one- hundred applications, they say, at least five of those are (statistically) bound to be successful.

Now, THAT is insanity.

First and foremost, it’s all very well advising people to file in hundreds of applications; who, however, has the time to realistically submit those in, say, a week?

Also, what will the quality of those applications be? Copy- paste, most likely.

Let’s the compare the above to a game of basketball; if you shoot in such a way that you only score five times out of a hundred, what would make more sense:

To keep doing more of that

OR

To change the way in which you shoot so that you can score more?

Sooooo…

Don’t Go Insane;

Stay on Top of

Your Game!

(talk about being cheesy, eh?)

Food for Thought: How About That Early Retirement?

Link to podcast to follow

People who have lived in England long enough have learned not to treat sunlight as granted but rather as a phenomenon that must be talked about, cherished and enjoyed at all cost.

That, of course, is a bit hard when you’re stuck in an office all day, staring at your computer screen, taking calls and…well, doing any work indoors, really.

In fact, I’ve always found it quite strange how they don’t have ‘sun days’ in England whereas children are off school and busybodies are off work. Surely, that’s some sort of unacceptable discrimination on someone’s behalf; I mean, they’ve got ‘snow days’ and, lately, the Sun’s been around a lot less than snow.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I do love my job- I love helping people, doing legal stuff, etc, etc. and, frankly, I don’t think I can live a normal life without doing that.

Yet, sometimes I do wonder…Let me tell you why.

My grandparents back home live in the countryside. They’ve got two goats, a dozen hens, a couple of roosters, a cow and a ginormous garden in which they grow their own fruit and vegetables.

They also have a small vineyard and make their own wine.

Consequently, they rarely ever go to the local corner shop (let alone to the city) to get anything- they do it all by themselves.

The other day (another unusually sunny day), my housemate came up to me and said:

‘Mate, if it was sunny more often, everyone around would be so much happier! I mean, everyone was joking about at work today, we all had lunch at this place’s roof terrace, stress- free and all that! Amazing!’

And then it dawned on me: wouldn’t it be awesome if I could get a small house somewhere, growing my own fruit and veg and making my own wine whilst enjoying the Sun?

A couple of days ago, I stumbled across the following article in the Independent:

<< http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/my-very-early-retirement-at-33-8583307.html >>

To cut a long story short, the above is about a journalist who, at the age of 33, decided to retire to a small house in the French countryside. The reason behind his decision was that he was wasting the best years of his life on what he calls ‘the rat race’, id est being stuck in an office, gazing at the screen all day.

Quite a marvelous story, I thought. I then, however, read on to find out that the said journalist had a flat in London which he rented out to create enough income to ‘live off’ in France.

The idea of (very) early retirement in today’s capitalistic world is, then, in itself somewhat utopic. It might be true that such a peaceful existence greatly reduces stress but it is also true that it might also cause a great deal of stress when your income/ savings start dwindling at the speed of love (no intention to infringe copyright, Coldplay).

My grandparents would, however, beg to differ.

Why would you need money, they’d say, when you had all the sun, fresh produce and peace and quiet you could possibly ask for?

What more could you possibly want?

‘Everything’, said capitalism.

A Runt’s Rant: IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ ON!

Link to podcast to follow

It’s quite funny (or sad?) how in today’s day and age, when used in email correspondence, the word ‘important’ actually means ‘uber spam’.

When I opened my private email today, for instance, there were about fifteen emails which were literally screaming at me (by means of an excessive use of caps lock), telling me how they IMPORTANT they were.

As I was feeling incredibly magnanimous today (it being sunny and all), I decided to give the said emails a chance and, so, started looking through those in turn.

I shouldn’t have.

For today’s rant (and, hopefully, for your entertainment), I have chosen to look at and comment on the top five of those.

IMPORTANT! DON’T MISS YOUR CHANCE!

Great properties on offer in London, ranging from £500k to £3mln available NOW! Call NOW and don’t MISS your chance to move into YOUR DREAM PROPERTY!

As soon as I saw the above, I said to myself ‘OK, AM DOING IT NOW’, at which point I phoned through to HR and requested a £1mln pay raise which I, of course, got and paid for the said property in cash.

I NOW own a beautiful three- room apartment in central London which I can always visit in my dream.

IMPORTANT! DO IT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

Is your hair receding? Buy our new and improved shampoo with OLIVE OIL EXTRACT before IT’S TOO LATE!

Even though my hair wasn’t receding, I decided that the above sounded way too serious to be a joke or a scam, so I popped down to the local corner shop and got me a bottle of olive oil.

IMPORTANT! CHINA IS GOING DOWN!

Have you HEARD? China’s growth is STAGNATING and YOU can make a profit out of that by buying shares in OUR Company!

And here I was, thinking that by 2020 China would become the world’s largest economy. Apparently, economists had lately failed to take into account such IMPORTANT emails and had deceived us all.

Had the above company actually existed, I would have bought some shares in it, honestly.

IMPORTANT! DO YOU FEEL SAFE!?

Is your neighbourhood unfriendly? Do people SCARE you? Call us for IMMEDIATE protection!

Talk about the Good Samaritan, eh? I was so happy to see that such caring companies still existed.

The only thing that puzzled me a tiny bit was…what exactly were they going to do if I was to call them? Teach me karate over the phone? Give me some ninja advice? Send me some pepper spray through the post?

IMPORTANT! PLEASE DO NOT DELETE THIS EMAIL!

Hi, my name is XXXX and I am a registered UK barrister who has been advising the Nigerian government on various matters.

Recently, one of my clients in Nigeria passed away in a plane crash and I am now dealing with his estate.

As he has left behind a discretionary trust, I am looking for lucrative investments with which to maximise his capital.

I am writing to you as I am willing to invest £ 500, 000 in YOUR company.

Could you please get back to me at your earliest convenience with your bank details?

Yours sincerely

XXXX.

I knew I shouldn’t have wound up my PLC! Had I not done so, I would have now been able to get a SECOND dream apartment in central London. Ah, well, you win some, you lose some.

In the light of the above, whenever you feel down or under the weather, do go through your IMPORTANT emails.

I can assure you that it’s an eye- opener, in the very least.

Good Idea, Chap: A One- way Ticket to Mars

Link to podcast to follow

Aye, life on Mars; where does one begin?

From the very beginning, of course. Humankind has dreamed of life on another planet for the past fifty years.

Allegedly, we had tried getting people to other planets before but had failed miserably.

Our best attempt, in fact, was the shuttle carrying the Fantastic Four; regardless of the fact that they didn’t actually make it to their ultimate destination, they still got some nifty powers which had come in handy when protecting the Earth from your average villains and Silver Surfers.

Leaving my absurdly ludicrous attempts to be original aside, however, it is worth noting that it is now possible to file in an application to be considered for a trip to Mars in 2022.

And, mind you, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.

No, honestly; it’s a one- way ticket you’ll be applying for.

You needn’t worry too much about it, though, mainly because Mars is known for its abundant flora and fauna, its vast seas of pristine water and its playful and refreshing breeze (by that, of course, I mean no flora or fauna, rocky wastelands and deadly solar winds).

The initiative has recently been undertaken by a Dutch company called Mars One. Contrary to what the name of the company suggests, it’s currently looking for forty people to send to Mars where they will start a new colony and…

…a new reality TV show.

Alas, even on Mars, there be dragons. Just look at the following report by CNN:

<< http://edition.cnn.com/2013/04/22/world/mars-one-way-ticket/index.html >>

Fourth paragraph down, quite unprovoked and somewhat out of the blue, it reads:

"It's likely that there will be a crematorium," said [Mars One] CEO Bas Lansdorp. "It's up to the people on Mars to decide what to do with their dead."

Wow. Great. I’m so in.

Further to the above, it seems that no couples will be allowed to participate in this marvellous adventure; in fact, that’s the sole reason for Mr Lansdorp inability to undertake the mission himself.

"I have a really nice girlfriend, and she doesn't want to come with me, so I'm staying right here."

Besides being single, ‘applicants must be resilient, adaptable, resourceful and must work well within a team’ (see << http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-22146456 >>).

Those selected will undergo a rigorous seven- year training program which will prepare them, both mentally and physically, for their seven- month journey in space:

Rest assured, even though they won’t have access to water, reliable sources have confirmed that they WILL have access to Facebook.

Amen to that...

Regardless of my childish sarcasm, however, the initiative is in itself an incredible achievement.

One question, remains though:

Even if the...settlers...manage to somehow survive the radiation, solar wind and vacuum- like atmosphere on Mars, will they be able to ever return to mother Earth?

The answer is quite simple.

NO.

And here’s why:

‘On a visit to the BBC's London office, Mars One's co-founder Bas Lansdorp explains why this would be a one-way flight.

During the seven-to-eight month journey, astronauts will lose bone and muscle mass. After spending time on Mars' much weaker gravitational field, it would be almost impossible to readjust back to Earth's much stronger gravity, says Landsorp.’ (see << http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-22146456 >>).

Taking this into account, then, one cannot but wonder whether the 2022 ‘mission’ to Mars is indeed a great step for humanity or a yet another quick get- rich scheme?

Guess we’ll have to wait and stay tuned for an episode of

‘Stranded! In Spaaaace!’

‘Academic’ Intelligence: Are Genes Patentable Under UK Law? Part One, Overview of Patent

Link to podcast to follow

As promised last week, in today’s article, I shall endeavour to provide the readers with a critical discussion of whether human genes can be patented under UK law.

In order for me to be able to so, however, it is essential to first of all look at the intellectual property (‘IP’) right of ‘patent’ in a bit more detail.

Thus, part one of the article will look at the criteria required to register a patent and part two of the article will assess whether a gene (or the process of extracting it fits those criteria).

The current UK law dealing with patents is the Patents Act 1977 (‘PA’) as amended.

Under the act, one can patent both a product AND a process.

It must be noted that, as with registered design and trademark, a patent gives the owner a monopoly right; id est, so long as the patent is registered in his name, the owner can enforce it against the world without having to prove subsistence in it.

Further, as with any other IP right, patents can be assigned or licensed (fully or partly) to other parties (s. 30 (2) PA, s. 33 PA + s. 30 (6) PA requirement for the grant of an assignment or license to be in writing).

The requirements that need to be satisfied before registered a patent are outlined in s. 1 PA.

Namely:

• Novelty
• Inventive Step
• Capable of Industrial Application
• Not excluded by the PA

For the purposes of today’s article, a brief explanation of each is essential.

Novelty- s. 2 PA

The product/ process must be ‘new’ and must NOT form a part of the state of the art available to the public  at the priority date (date of filing application as per s. 5 PA)

The ‘state of the art’ is defined in s. 2 ( 2) as:

“All matter (whether a product, a process, information about either, or anything else) which has, at any time before the priority date of that invention, been made available to the public (whether in the United Kingdom or elsewhere) by written or oral description, by use or in any other way.”

It must also be noted that exposing a product/ process to the public might result in enabling disclosure which will prevent the owner from registering a patent for the said process/ product. (so long as the disclosure has disclosed enough for a skilled person to be able to work the product/ process, Windsurfing International v Tabur Limited [1985] RPC 59)

Inventive Step- s.3 PA

 The new product/ process must involve an ‘inventive step’ which is not obvious to the person skilled in the art. Id est, it must have not been apparent to the skilled but unimaginative professional.

Capable of Industrial Application- s. 4 PA

The invention is capable of industrial application if it can be ‘made or used in any kind of industry, including agriculture’

Not Excluded by PA

S. 1 (2) provides an non- exhaustive list of a number of things that cannot be registered as patents:

•  A discovery, scientific theory or mathematical method.
• A literary, dramatic, musical or artistic work.
•  A scheme, rule or method for performing a mental act, playing a game or
• doing business, or a program for a computer.
•  The presentation of information.

In next week’s article, by applying the above criteria, I shall try to establish whether a human gene (or the process for extracting or cloning one) can be patented under PA and whether the position closely resembles or greatly differs the one in the USA.

Poet's Corner: Tired

Feeling Tired?

Think again.

Pray,

Look around;

Observe the trend.

As people walk

And live their lives

And drown their hopes

In strangers’ eyes,

They share a fate,

A tale of ice,

In which their Queen

Can show them lies

which they can use

As their goodbyes.

Feeling tired?

Think again.

It is a norm

You cannot mend.

‘Social’ Intelligence: Colour- Coding, Part One

Link to podcast to follow

Have you ever wondered what colours to wear on an interview? On a first date? On a second date? On a ‘black tie event’?

I’m sure all of us had, at some point of their lives, done so.

In fact, I remember that on my first ever black tie event I wore a slick plain light grey suit and a dark red black- striped shirt with, well...a black tie.

Imagine my surprise when I walked in and almost drowned in a sea of tuxes and bowties.

‘You look just...fine.’, said a friend of mine with a fine blend of malicious sarcasm and genuine worry.

Had I not been such a misfit that night, though, I would have made quite a good impression as I had chosen quite a conservative, yet bold, colour combination.

And, you might think that it sounds ridiculous, but the colours you dress in can often be quite revealing of your character and aspirations.

Today, I’ll opt to provide you with a brief overview (a VERY brief overview, alas) of what most colours relate to.

Without further ado, let’s get to it:

(Source: << http://www.color-wheel-pro.com/color-meaning.html >> )

Red

Colour of fire and blood, war and heritage. A very good colour to use if you want to grab someone’s attention (or everyone’s attention, really....); it makes you stand out rather than blend in with the background.

It, however, tends to shout at people, telling them that you want to be noticed and predisposes them to think that there is a reason for that.

Thus, wearing red can sometimes be quite dangerous, especially in your professional life, because it makes those around you expectant of you.

Orange

A very sunny and jovial colour, often associated with happiness and creativity.

Wearing orange tells people that you are easily approachable and happy to talk and listen to them.

It paints a friendly and warm image and is, thus, not a very appropriate pick for corporate events, etc.

Further to the above, do be careful as to what tone of orange you put on; dark orange can, for instance, symbolise deceit and distrust.

Yellow

The colour of sunshine, joy and energy; perfect if you feel like the ‘life of the party’.

Yellow’s also known to be the colour of intellect and to stimulate mental activity.

Be careful when using in professional capacity as yellow is sometimes viewed as ‘childish’ or even ‘infantile’.

Finally, as with orange, do be careful what type of yellow you put on; dingy yellow, for instance, stands for decay and jealousy.

Blue

Stands for the sky and the sea, assumes depth and stability.

As with red, it makes those around you quite expectant of you; people wearing blue stand out as trustworthy and loyal.

In the corporate world, blue is considered a statement of power and influence; do be careful when using it.

Combine with warmer colours such as yellow or red if you want to create a high- impact and draw attention quickly.

I shall continue boring you to death with the above next Saturday.

On a more serious note, however, it’s really quite important to know a thing or two about colours and how to combine them effectively.

I honestly wish the guy sat at the table next to me knew that.

Green trousers, pink shirt, red trainers and a blue Adidas cap.

I mean...for real...?

‘Everyday’ Intelligence: Feeling Angry Today?

 Link to podcast to follow

We’ve all had bad news on a Friday morning; a good example of that is someone coming up to you at work and patting you on the back whilst laughing heartily and saying something along the lines of:

‘Long week, looong week! Thank God tomorrow’s Friday, eh, buddy?’

Most often than not, of course, the ‘bad’ news are not as bad as they initially seem; they’re much worse.

For instance, chances are that your colleague was, in fact, pulling your leg in that it wasn’t Friday tomorrow; it was actually Thursday.

Naturally, he would’ve found that hilarious; you, on the other hand, wouldn’t have found it amusing in the slightest.

To you, it would’ve been as amusing as the following…joke:

‘My father went into our backyard the other day, dug a hole and filled it with water…Poor thing, he meant well…’

Sad, at the very least. So sad, in fact, that I’m almost certain it made you laugh.

But you don’t WANT to laugh; you want to be angry. In fact, the angrier you feel, the angrier you want to be.

Regardless of the gravity or nature of the issue that initially got you mad, your mind starts racing for other potential catalysts to fuel your anger.

• That person who bumped into you over lunch.
• That drink you spilt on your new tie yesterday.
• That train to London you missed a couple of months ago.
• The relationship you messed up three years ago.
• That lecturer who constantly gave you 68% just to annoy you at university.
• The obnoxious eight grader who picked on you some fifteen years ago.

How could you have possibly ignored all of those things at the time, you wonder?

You suddenly feel so angry that you can…

…you can…what?

Nothing, that’s what.

Look at what’s happened; being angry has made you go back to past occurrences that have no relevance to your present.

A friend of mine once said:

‘I never look back because I’m not headed that way.’

Quite simple, really.

Further to the above, anger clouds your judgment and prevents you from thinking in a clear and logical manner.

To get back to our example above, whilst in a fit of rage, you are quite likely to tell your colleague something along the lines of:

‘Shut the Hell up, Joe! I know full well that it’s not Friday today and I don’t need any muppets to remind me of that! Now get back to work and leave me alone!’

Uttering the above will give you a temporary, brief and unjustified sense of satisfaction. What it will also lead to is, put simply, a lot of trouble. Raising your voice at a colleague and being rude for no reason? Calling someone at work a ‘muppet’? Telling a colleague of an equal rank to ‘get back to work’?

That’s not going to fly, is it now…?

So, next time something makes you angry, calm down before doing ANYTHING.

Let me suggest a couple of effective ways of doing it:

1. Take up boxing, three times a week. 
2. Say ‘Goosfraba’, inhale deeply once, now exhale deeply once, now listen to this: